That Which Makes Up Friendship

Friendship, by definition, is a heart-flooding feeling that can happen to any two persons who are caught up in the act of being themselves together, and who like what they see and do.  It is the inexpressible feeling of being safe with a person, having neither to weight thoughts nor to measure words.  The feeling is deeper than companionship - one can hire a companion, but never a friend.  It is never one-sided.

Friendship ... we know it when we feel it, but we can spend years to put it into words.

Suppose you are to complete this sentence in twenty-five words or less: "A friend is someone who ____." What would you say? How would you summarize your friend that way?

Most often, people complete the sentence with, "A friend is someone who is loyal". But, would it mean that he should walk in with you when everyone walks out? Would you take it to mean that he should be someone whom you can rely on and cry on ... whom you can trust?

Definitely yes! Those qualities should be found in a loyal friend - qualities that almost everyone ask for.

We both need "buffers" and "boosters" in our lives: buffers to reduce the pain of negative-response-producing events, and boosters to amplify the pleasure of positive-attitude-enhancing experiences.

Yet, some friend's notion of loyalty is to stand beside in adversity.  But the fact is, a friend can never be considered loyal when he only when soars along side with you when you're flying high. Neither can he be considered loyal when he only acts the "Big Savior" when you are needy and weak. Perhaps, a true friend should go hand-in-hand with you in times of troubles and triumphs. He should be ready to shout "Cheers!" and whisper "Cheer up" if time requires him to.

However, loyalty does not necessarily mean that one must go with his friend in doing things beyond what is right, just for the sake of being loyal. A loyal friend should drag him away from that "dark path", instead, rather than going with him and share the evil doings.  Loyalty needs many years to develop within the bounds of friendship. It needs both the "sugars and salts" of life to examine its authenticity, thus it takes two individuals to cherish it - where friendship could grow, develop and succeed.

Perhaps all of us need loyal friends to mold a true friendship, thus we should know first what loyalty means, and then, we could learn to be loyal to gain loyal friends.

(Date Unknown)

Published in the SJIT Collegian

Vol. XI, No. 2, Nov to March 1995-1996 issue