Ayer, Hoy y Mañana

"Yesterday is today's history. Today was yesterday's dream. Tomorrow is today's vision."

-----oOo-----

Wasn't it just yesterday when I loved waking up early in the morning to smell the cool fresh scent of the flowers in my garden -- feeling so carefree --- so innocent? Wasn't it just yesterday when the scent of the burnt mango leaves soothed my tired countenance? Wasn't it just yesterday when I imagined myself living quiet like today?

I really marveled at how swift time passed by.

Now, I am facing today -- knowing that it would be tomorrow's yesterday. Would I ever love remembering tomorrow everything that would happen today? Would living one day at a time do the trick? Would tomorrow be great just like today's yesterday?

How can today become a wonderful tomorrow's yesterday? Would it be like yesterday's tomorrow?

Perhaps, everything I asked today can be answered tomorrow, as some of yesterday's questions were already answered today.

What I am seeking now is the answer why we really have to go through a lot of letting go and holding on. To make us stronger? To make us tougher? What for? To prepare us for tomorrow's troubles and cares that would be a lot harder than what we are facing today? Just to have something adventurous to recall when today is already tomorrow's yesterday?

If that's the purpose then, why should we try to be tough and strong today when we know so well that we would just be entitled to solve another set of problems tomorrow -- problems that would be harder than yesterday?

What if yesterday's vision do not happen today -- and today would not be tomorrow's grandest history? Would tomorrow be so scary then? Or, are today's fears greater than tomorrow's troubles?

Come to think of it.

(09.30.2003)

Crossroads

Yes, I am tired! But what else could I expect anyway? I've always thought that another year of all these strains and I would have cracked up. We all would have.

But I haven't! I am tough! Who isn't?

I remembered the rows of serious faces bent over examination papers day after day. Outside the examination rooms, there was sunlight and green trees ... noise and traffic. Inside, there was the raise against time, the scrapping of pens, the worried coughs, the sweaty foreheads, the shuffling feet, the rows of desks ... the weighing of the balance, the found wanting. No matter how brilliant you've been in editing a newsletter, in producing a play, in designing a project; no matter how original you seemed with all your decisions; no matter how well you have played the coolest music or the popular sports or at the school politics, it was the same test for all, and the same lesson: first-rate brains without a penny would get you no further than those whose fortune is enormous even with second-rate brains. It was the day of painful self-revelation, of regret for some, of hope for others, of frustration ... of submitting your inner pride to the outside verdict.

Well, that is all over anyway; the written papers and the orals, and the posted papers of successes and failures. All over, thank God! Another chunk of life put in a box and labeled: "Past. Not to be reopened. No third attempts."

But here comes another chunk in its way, for other periods in life did not end so neatly, so completely, with an examiner's clear mark to tie up all the loose ends. Hell's bells! One thing's over, and another begins.

Doesn't life ever become simpler? Would it not stop being so harsh - so cruel? Doesn't life's crossroads ever have an end? Are all crossroads barbed wire-fenced?

Though life is really what it seems, one thing's for sure - all those crossroads brought me so many fears, causing my bones to shiver, but the child-in-me braver. It brought me countless joys, bringing forth funny moments spent with my friends and loved-ones, brightening the gloom of gloomiest day. Most of all, it brought me challenges that made me tougher and stronger -- ever wanting for more, grasping tighter and higher beyond my reach.

Should I ever ask for more? Haven't all those thorny crossroads brought me all the wonderful treasures in life -- treasures that are so priceless and worth keeping -- not mere vanity -- making me whole?

'Been thinking ... if I would go straight on the fast lane, would I ever know what "living a life" means? Or, would I ever be sure that the road ahead is not a dead end?

How will I know then? I don't have a choice but to turn at the nearest bend!

(Isn't it a little bit of sour-graping?)

- Fin -

(09.23.2003)

Cool Change

Now that my life is so pre-arranged,

I know that it's time for a cool change.

It's time, it's time, it's time for a cool change . . .

~ o ~ oOo ~ o ~

Everything changes. It's inevitable! It's necessary! It's cool! It's called metamorphosis!

 

From an ugly caterpillar to a beautiful butterfly ... that's what I should be. Isn't it great? Isn't it wonderful?

Hovering from flower to flower ... from garden to garden ... seeking for the sweetest nectar ... I could fee the cool fresh air as it touches my wings! What a euphoric feeling! What a blessing! How I love the change and the freedom it brings!

But suddenly, Mr. Storm came. It lapped at my pretty little wings -- tearing them into pieces. I could no longer fly! Oh, where should I go? Behind the welted flowers? Behind the tattered leaves? Behind the fallen trees?

It can't be! It should not be! It's cruel! It's awful! It's unforgettable!

Then the storm died down! The sun began shining! Giving comfort to my sagging spirit. I thought it could heal the pains. But it grows hotter ... burning my skin ... turning my wings into ashes. I thought it's already the end ... but then you came.

You became my friend. You made me whole again. You sheltered me from the heat of the sun. You gathered daffodils for my body that is now so wan. How wonderful it felt ... with you so very, very near. Isn't it great to have you as my friend?

Now I am whole again ... savoring the coolest change. With my wings turning stronger and lovelier, I know I can fly again -- higher than what has been. And that's because of you my dearest friend. You taught me how to be a  beautiful butterfly again.

Then, together we realized that the garden is no longer secure despite the promises the weather brings. Spiders and ant eaters are everywhere ... and so we must part again.

Though we're just passing by, I'm sure you will always be my friend. Aloha! 'Till we meet again!

I wish you the best of luck ... and the coolest of all cool change!

(09.09.2003)

For  my dear friends once upon a time in STI

Free Cell Talk

The object is to move all the cards to the home cells. To win, make four stacks of cards on the home cells, one for each suit, stacked in order of rank, from lowest (ace) to highest (king).

Note: It is believed (although not proven) that every game is winnable.

'Been playing this game for seven years, three months and eight days now. Still I am not contented with my wins. It's not enough. I know it would never be enough -- nothing is enough for me.

Have I not thought this game as an easy game? Have I not tried to prove that every set is winnable? Have I not bragged that I was born a winner?

I was wrong ... very, very wrong!

Perhaps I forgot to look for trouble spots during my first move ... forgot to consider that aside from my aces, I should also need to consider other aces which are partially and wickedly hidden behind cards. I was blinded with the sequences of the lucky cards at the bottom of the column -- thinking that I can move it towards home cell with just a snap of my fingers and two clicks of the left mouse button.

The I was wrong ... very, very wrong!

I have already tried to keep some of my free cells unoccupied upon knowing that they are also valuable -- but still, something happened -- I don't know how it started. I thought everything is going as planned. I thought I can win this time.

But then again I was wrong -- very, very wrong!

Now I am again staring at the stock of cards in front of me. I wanted to lay them down to draw new ones. But, the fact that I already stacked several precious cards for a period of time, I hesitated. Perhaps, I still have to exert my gambling prowess a lit bit more.  Perhaps, I could just half-close my eyes and pretend that everything is still fine ... that the cards in front of me are the lucky ones ... and the players watching me are "real" players ... players who really know the rules of the game, not mere counterfeits, not tricky JOKERS.

I hope this time, I won't be wrong!

What if I am, once again, wrong? A single click of the button can do the trick for me.  I will just play solitaire ... or backgammon ... or checkers ... or minesweeper for a change! Anyway Microsoft and the Internet offers a lot of virtual games more challenging and more rewarding than Freecell.

This time I will never be wrong!

Besides, all games are winnable and a cool change doesn't hurt. Don't you think?

(09.08.2003)