First Step

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Heart don't fail me now. Courage don't desert me. Don't turn back now that we're here. People always say "Life is full of choices". No one ever mentions fear -- or how the road can seem so long, or how the world can seem so vast. Courage see me through. Heart I'm trusting you on this journey ...

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I am a TIGER. I have the rage to live and the teeth to sink into a plank of wood. Fortune doesn't motivate me. But my desire for passionate adventure and impossible challenges does!

Nothing stops me, neither eccentricity nor danger. I decide on my course of action. Nothing stops me; I listen to my heart more than my reason. My fearless enthusiasm motivates others. People would follow me to the end of the earth if only to take part in the wild dreams that I imagine each day to get beyond the reality and routine of every day life. This extravagance goes hand-in-hand with my need to command. I love it when people obey me without a word. Excessive in everything, my behavior betrays the force of my emotions. Passion and anger are part of my every day life. If someone tries to put me in a cage, I become crazed and would roar loud enough to dislocate my jaw! An insatiable adventurer, I build my life from the hazards and opportunities I encounter, grabbing onto the chances that are offered to me with an utmost unconscious audacity.

I am a charismatic Tiger. I am the leader of the jungle, the maestro, the captain of ships. I need action and independence to give measure to my talents. I make my path in a universe that is wild, anarchic and without hierarchy. Roads that have already been taken don't interest me. I can't conceive of working without passion. I refuse to bow down to logic, fixed hours and uniforms. A lord reigns in me!

I know that I am born a winner ... I am born tough ... I am born to lead ... I am born to do the first steps. I know ...

But I also know my faults. Aside from my unpredictability, and my not being very good at making others feel secure, I also feel coward at times. I also wince at the thought of journeying to an unknown jungle ... of doing my first steps ... of being a TIGER ... of just simply being me ... of pretending that I am tough enough to fight whatever danger comes my way ... of trying to protect my brood from other predators ... of trying to protect my jungle.

I know I should always do the first step. I hated it, but I have to. Nobody would do it except a TIGER ... and I am a TIGER ...

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One step at a time. One hope then another.

Who knows where this road may go?

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 (12.09.2003)