On Unconditional Love

There was a time in my life that I became afraid to fall in love. It seemed to me that when you fall in love, it means getting hurt all the time. That's what I observed anyway. I thought maybe that's why it's called "falling" in love. It would mean giving my all, loving deeply and  heartily. It would be a truly emotional, euphoric experience. I would be dreaming about the object of my affection all day and all night, imagining good times together, thinking of what I can do or buy for him to show how much I care. I would feel light as a feather, energized and excited, literally blooming with the joy I feel inside. Then somehow things would go wrong and my whole world would crash with disappointment ... resentment ... anger ... and pain.

Why? Can we not love without feeling pain? Is it really a price to pay for all the happiness we feel when we are in love? Should we just accept that because we love, we risk getting hurt?

Those are the questions that kept bogging on my young mind for a long time.

It was only after many years of soul-searching and reading inspirational writings that I realized that we can love without getting hurt.

Only did recently that I realized what unconditional love is all about. Love is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. It is the fire that burns inside, the essence of being.

Love is the source of all comfort and contentment. It is a precious gift that defines our purpose in life. If we keep in mind that we can indeed preserve its true meaning, we can love the fullest and be happy for the rest of our lives. Further, we need to accept that other people express love differently.

How do I express love? Let me count the ways .... I say "I love you" as often as I can ... kiss and embrace whenever I got a chance ... I never forget anniversaries ... I always give surprises whenever possible ... and even tried to give my best just to make you happy. But I also know that I am tough to deal with ... prying at your privacy when I feel like it ... demanding quality time from you because I am thinking that you are mine. Maybe you're annoyed by my way of loving you, but I don't care. That's me. That's who I am.

How do you express your love? You rarely say "I love you", but when you do, I can feel that it comes from the heart and you really do. You seldom responded to my SMS, you seldom remember special occasions, and you don't even call me anymore as often as before. But you work overtime for our future ... you even flew a million miles just to meet me and say that you love me too. You probably love me more than I can imagine, you just show it differently. That's you.

Accepting our differences gives me a healthier perspective of our relationship.

What is always important is knowing how to handle every circumstances with great courage and even with indescribable faith.

Just always remember ...

Derive happiness from giving love. When you love, do it because you want to. There is an indescribable joy in loving. Just give it. And cherish the satisfaction in having given someone something of yourself. It's like giving a gift. Whether it is appreciated or not, find joy in simply giving. Love without expecting anything in return. This is where pain comes in ... when you demand something in return for the love you give. You are setting yourself up for disappointment because love cannot always be reciprocal. Love between two people can never be of the same intensity at the same place and time. No matter how much your partner loves you, he/she will never be able to fill all your needs all the time. And you will be in the worst situation if you believe you should love only when you are sure to receive equal love in return. You will be waiting in misery forever.

Love now. The past is gone and the future is just a dream.  All of yesterday's aches and pains, as well as the love and laughter, are mere memories. Let them go. Fantasies and worries are for a future that may never come. Don't dwell on them. Live now. Give love now. Do it now and enjoy it now. That is the secret of genuine contentment. Throw away those destructive habits. When you insist upon yourself that you always have to be in control, that you always have to be right, that others must always please you, you put yourself in a very tight spot.

Loving relationships are flexible, dynamic and evolving. Leave room for change and interaction. Allow for new behavior and learning experiences. When we welcome these into our lives, we open ourselves to sharing more love and affection and less frustration and pain.

Yes, you will say that unconditional love is easier said than done. I agree, especially when we have always believed that love is give and take. But try believing that love is simply giving ... you will then be surprised that a lot of it, even more, actually comes back to you.

Loving involves two phases. The first intuitive one is loving the person because of who he/she is. The second nobler one is loving the person despite of who he/she is. The first one sparks love. The second one makes it last.

That's what I believe in. Am I crazy? Am I mad? That's love.

(04.25.2005)

This Thing Called Love

Love does not happen in fairy tales. It's not only felt by extraordinary people ... in extraordinary places and times. Love is not just fought by knights and kings ... brewed and spelled by wizards and witches. It is seen in the eyes of a mother who adores her sleeping child ...  seen by the wrinkled faces of a man who experienced life in a hard way. It is painted by artists ... put into music by musicians ... sung by singers ... and felt in the air.

But ...

What really is this thing called LOVE ... so viable and indispensable to best-sellers? Why is it that myriad people would be willing to spend much, even life, to have it?

Plainly, LOVE is one of the questions we have always attempted to answer in more than one way. This only shows that it is quite impossible to grasp and comprehend the totality of loving and of being loved. We question ... we try ... we experience. After getting hurt only then can we realize that we are in-love.

When you enter a relationship, when you commit yourself to someone, you must always bear in mind that you are sharing a part of yourself to a stranger who, by mere chance or destined fate, you happen to like and "LOVE". In doing so, you take a risk -  a great risk. He is a different person. He is definitely not your reincarnation ... not your identical twin ... and definitely, not a perfect being. This is why you should not expect him to be like you, to possess the same thoughts, to own the same emotion. You love him because he is he, and not because he is you. This being so, you must learn to accept him in his totality as a person. Growth is brought up by indifference or differences, which in one way or another, cultivate the relationship. It is also important to remember that trust is a vital element of any relationship, unconditional trust ... no ifs, no buts.

When you love, honestly love, you must be willing to sacrifice. There are times when the hurt go so deep, when the pain is almost unbearable ... that you wanted to give up. But loving is not giving up so easily. It is being there, when all have gone, when there is very little strength left, when it is too much to stand. Loving is Trusting. Loving is Letting Be.

There is really a big difference between two people who are in love in a matter of fact way. Both, might just be in a different plane of understanding, which may be a cause of misinterpretation. If he says he is honest with you, then don't kill yourself by believing that he's not. How do you know? His past experiences and his upbringing are not enough to doubt him. If he can offer his as-a-matter-of-fact way of moving to the best, then accept it. And if you can love him the romantic way in return, then do so. Please do not measure the exchange. Just be honest with each other and have an open channel of communication constantly where there is a free sharing of thought and ideas. Definitely, no ifs, no buts.

Always remember that nobody promised you a rose garden. Besides, roses got thorns, too. Just get the best of life. LOVE AND GET HURT ... GET HURT AND LEARN ... LEARN AND LOVE AGAIN. It is all a cycle, my friend. It is a cycle of being. Experience the cycle and feel like you are in a circle.

I hope you make sense of whatever thoughts I shared with you. You see, I'm in love, too.

I believe in the sincerity of your feelings. I believe in your sincerity as a person. Like any of us, you are capable of loving and worthy of being loved in return. You are a promise of life ... you are to have the best, too!!!

---------------
God is love ... God is everywhere ... Love is everywhere.
 

HAPPY HEARTS DAY!!!--------------

(08.17.2004)

Dream Weaver

"Let us all hold fast to dream, for if dreams die, life is like a broken-winged bird that cannot fly." -- Langston Hughes

~oOo~ 

 

It's amazing to think of how, each of us, weave dreams everyday, every moment, and every chances life brings. We dream dreams big and small ... possible and impossible ... fiction and non-fiction ... dreams that are reasonably achievable but ambitious enough. These dreams fueled our enthusiasm to go further - to face life's endless battle for survival, and most especially, to drive each of us to work harder in order to realize our dreams.

But what do we need  to weave dreams? Do we need to invest something just to dream and realize them? Do we need somebody to help us make our dreams come true? Or do we need to depend on our own effort, our own faith and our own strength?

Some say that everything is possible under the sun. All you need to do is use the power of your mind, dream on, model your dreams carefully, focus on your dreams, let go and let God.

But what about the hindrances, the crossroads, the detours that life brings? Are we going to just ignore them ... pretend that they're not existing? Aren't they considered as stepping-stones instead of stumbling blocks? Are those really part of the plans God has in store for us? Are these hindrances part of the puzzle that we need to solve first before we can make our dreams come true?

Why am I complicating things anyway?

I guess, I just needed instant answers to all the questions in this dreamer-mind-in-me. Is it bad? I don't think so. Do you? Then I don't care. No matter what people do, I won't stop dreaming. Who can blame me when I know so well that I am a dream weaver like you do?

.... 'just asking some of the endless questions of any dreamer like me....

(03.30.2005)

Porque Me Faltas Tu

Today is a lovely day.  The sun is out, alive and shining brightly. Little birds are chirping their happy songs as they hop on the branches of the Ipil-ipil tree near my bedroom window. Flowers of the lovely wild Philippine orchids are beginning to grace the old tree trunk near our office's iron gate ... giving off that faint sweet floral fragrance that I would surely miss.

Soon, the fortune plants and the fire trees will start blooming ... white beaches and cool waterfalls will be filled with gay laughter ... children will be out - enjoying their games of patintero and hide and seek ... families will start booking the best and affordable vacation spots. The sweet scent of summer is almost in the air.

Plucking one wild orchids blossom on my way home made me realize that I missed a lot of summer fun for almost half a decade now. I missed my good old flower garden. I missed the musky scent of the garden soil as it absorbed the drops of water flowing out from the water sprinkler. I missed the excitement of the days when a delicate bud becomes a lovely fragrant blossom ... made beautiful because of my tender loving care. I missed the fun of roaming around my grandpa's backyard and finding some succulent sugar cane to munch when I felt thirsty, and the sweet star apple and balimbing to nibble when I was hungry. I miss the thrill of rummaging into the grassy plains as I tried to search for the little orange fruit of the nameless shrub, wanting to taste its sour and sweet delight once again.  I missed the giggle shared with my aunt as we played badminton, hoping that her beloved would pass by and say, "Hi!". I miss the energy I once had, chasing and playing with my pet dogs Oliver and Domino. I miss the feel of my cat Monique's soft fur as she sits on my lap while watching TV. I miss the days when I can stay at home the whole day -- carefree and careless ... days when my life was just so simple. I miss my friends and all the funny and absurd things we do during summers. I miss the short summer travels and the excitement of seeing new places for the first time. I realized that I simply miss everything ... porque me faltas tu.

 

(02.03.2012)

Lost Pebbles

First pebble ... second pebble ... third pebble ... didn't I missed something?

I think I have to count them again .....
First pebble ... second pebble ... ah-huh, I lost my count again ......

------------------------------------------------------------

It's already February, and still on that same sidewalk, that same old man is still seen ... patiently counting pebbles ... again and again ... under the heat of the morning sun ... everyday on weekdays, and now even on Sundays.

Seven months have already passed since I first saw him, and yet he is still engrossed with the pebbles before him - without any sign of tiredness. He must be up to something. Could it be that he don't know how to count? Could it be that he forgot something? Or, is he looking for a lost pebble ... or perhaps, for new ones?

That man really made me think a lot, that sometime I felt that I even lost my count of the pebbles I have. I have lots of them, I know. They came in all forms and luster. They're all priceless ... truly God-sent. I found them during the times I needed one ... during the times I wish I have one. Those pebbles are my life's treasures ... not just for a season, or some very good reason they played in my life ... but for a lifetime. I know that most of the time I tend to set aside some them ... not because I am tired of them nor because I want to neglect them ... but maybe because I want something new ... something I can't define ... something I can never fathom.

Could it be that the pebble I am looking for is something special? Something different? Is it something near me? Something far? Can somebody show me it's dimension? Should I need to look ahead to see its shine? But what if it shines no more? What if it's just an ordinary pebble that I used to neglect ... I used to kick out of mu sight?

Whatever it is ... wherever it is ... I am sure it's worth the dime. It would be worth all my efforts, and worth all the other pebbles I would have to set aside.

(02.08.2004)