On Unconditional Love

There was a time in my life that I became afraid to fall in love. It seemed to me that when you fall in love, it means getting hurt all the time. That's what I observed anyway. I thought maybe that's why it's called "falling" in love. It would mean giving my all, loving deeply and  heartily. It would be a truly emotional, euphoric experience. I would be dreaming about the object of my affection all day and all night, imagining good times together, thinking of what I can do or buy for him to show how much I care. I would feel light as a feather, energized and excited, literally blooming with the joy I feel inside. Then somehow things would go wrong and my whole world would crash with disappointment ... resentment ... anger ... and pain.

Why? Can we not love without feeling pain? Is it really a price to pay for all the happiness we feel when we are in love? Should we just accept that because we love, we risk getting hurt?

Those are the questions that kept bogging on my young mind for a long time.

It was only after many years of soul-searching and reading inspirational writings that I realized that we can love without getting hurt.

Only did recently that I realized what unconditional love is all about. Love is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. It is the fire that burns inside, the essence of being.

Love is the source of all comfort and contentment. It is a precious gift that defines our purpose in life. If we keep in mind that we can indeed preserve its true meaning, we can love the fullest and be happy for the rest of our lives. Further, we need to accept that other people express love differently.

How do I express love? Let me count the ways .... I say "I love you" as often as I can ... kiss and embrace whenever I got a chance ... I never forget anniversaries ... I always give surprises whenever possible ... and even tried to give my best just to make you happy. But I also know that I am tough to deal with ... prying at your privacy when I feel like it ... demanding quality time from you because I am thinking that you are mine. Maybe you're annoyed by my way of loving you, but I don't care. That's me. That's who I am.

How do you express your love? You rarely say "I love you", but when you do, I can feel that it comes from the heart and you really do. You seldom responded to my SMS, you seldom remember special occasions, and you don't even call me anymore as often as before. But you work overtime for our future ... you even flew a million miles just to meet me and say that you love me too. You probably love me more than I can imagine, you just show it differently. That's you.

Accepting our differences gives me a healthier perspective of our relationship.

What is always important is knowing how to handle every circumstances with great courage and even with indescribable faith.

Just always remember ...

Derive happiness from giving love. When you love, do it because you want to. There is an indescribable joy in loving. Just give it. And cherish the satisfaction in having given someone something of yourself. It's like giving a gift. Whether it is appreciated or not, find joy in simply giving. Love without expecting anything in return. This is where pain comes in ... when you demand something in return for the love you give. You are setting yourself up for disappointment because love cannot always be reciprocal. Love between two people can never be of the same intensity at the same place and time. No matter how much your partner loves you, he/she will never be able to fill all your needs all the time. And you will be in the worst situation if you believe you should love only when you are sure to receive equal love in return. You will be waiting in misery forever.

Love now. The past is gone and the future is just a dream.  All of yesterday's aches and pains, as well as the love and laughter, are mere memories. Let them go. Fantasies and worries are for a future that may never come. Don't dwell on them. Live now. Give love now. Do it now and enjoy it now. That is the secret of genuine contentment. Throw away those destructive habits. When you insist upon yourself that you always have to be in control, that you always have to be right, that others must always please you, you put yourself in a very tight spot.

Loving relationships are flexible, dynamic and evolving. Leave room for change and interaction. Allow for new behavior and learning experiences. When we welcome these into our lives, we open ourselves to sharing more love and affection and less frustration and pain.

Yes, you will say that unconditional love is easier said than done. I agree, especially when we have always believed that love is give and take. But try believing that love is simply giving ... you will then be surprised that a lot of it, even more, actually comes back to you.

Loving involves two phases. The first intuitive one is loving the person because of who he/she is. The second nobler one is loving the person despite of who he/she is. The first one sparks love. The second one makes it last.

That's what I believe in. Am I crazy? Am I mad? That's love.

(04.25.2005)